Director: Barry Sonnenfeld Starring: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Rip Torn, Girl Part of my 100 Best Movies in History Series.
Men in Black star Rip Torn is Best Known for his Role on ‘The Larry Sanders Show’. A comedy about the industry?! It’s like I’m laughing with the stars!
There’s nothing more I love watching than Rich Actors bitch about their jobs! It must be so difficult reading lines on camera, and then making millions of dollars!
Some of you might have a bias against Men In Black, and I don’t blame you. I remember for a few years there, you couldn’t go a fucking minute without hearing those stupid fucking Will Smith songs. Especially ‘Gettin’ Jiggy With It’. Why the fuck do they play songs so much like that? Even if it’s a good song, do you think I’m going to go out and buy the CD when I hear that song everywhere I go, or every time I turn on the radio? Do I need to hear "Jiggy" in my sleep as well? That’s a rhetorical question, because when you play the same retarded song that often, I start to hear it in my fucking nightmares.
This is a hilarious comedy (or ‘an hilarious comedy’ as we film critics say), with lots of cools special effects and so on, but the thing that really makes this film a classic is all the retarded closplayers you get when you do an image search. Even better than the cosplayers is the fucks who cleverly spoof this movie by wearing a suit, or black clothing.
A-hahaha! They’re priests! They’re Men in Black! A-haha! Good one Guys!
Avoid the sequel if possible. It has it’s moments, but for the most part it’s a turd. Speaking of Sonnenfeld sequels, avoid, at every fucking cost, that piece of shit ‘Adams Family Values’. Come to think of it, Sonnenfeld is lucky to have make two or three good movies considering he’s not much more than a Tim Burton-wannabe. I like a lot of Burton films, but you could easily pick a less gothy idol. Suicide time-bomb isn’t something to aspire to, man.
Most of the Rotten Tomatoes critics admit they like this, with reservation (’It’s good,
for Hollywood, that is, if Hollywood could even be
called good. I mean, not a single person came out of the closet, and it seemed to almost
glorify females, instead of geniusly suggesting they should all be killed! But I mean it was alright, in an
unintellectual sort of way’).
However, one reviewer,
Mick LaSalle, or as he’ll be known to posterity, "Einstein TIMES INFINITY", was brave enough to defy even his Mensa group and pan this movie:
‘At times, it may succeed at manipulating you, but you won’t like it."
HOLY SHIT! God forbid someone trick me into being entertained! Once I thought I enjoyed myself watching a movie, and it turns out it was all a clever ruse! I felt like I’d been raped!
And do you know what the point of reading a review is, fuckhead? It’s to hear your opinion, not what you think mine will be. I already know my fucking opinion, asshole. For example: In my opinion, the Chronicle should throw your ass on the street.
But seriously, thank you for telling me what I think, White Jesus.
"Men in Black'’ is summer fluff that admits to being summer fluff, but it’s no better off for admitting it… Sonnenfeld uses odd angles and wide lenses to view the action with a sardonic eye, as if the onscreen events were a joke between director and audience. But if “Men in Black'’ is a joke, who’s the joke on?"
I think he just tried to out-wink you, Men-in-Black. What a wonderful Yin and Yang: Sometimes a great success is just as entertaining as a spectacular fail. Let me try to be a critic, "Who’s the joke on? Why, the consumer who just payed fifty cents for this newspaper! Haha, good show!"
Finally we figure out what our fine Mr. LaSalle didn’t like about the film:
"After the laughs comes the uneasiness. The men in black make the shenanigans in the Nixon White House look naive, a pair of Constitution-flouting functionaries as heroes. At one point, K explains to young Agent J that the public must be protected from itself, that people do not need to know the truth."
What the fuck?!?!? This is the funniest fucking thing I’ve read in my life. Nixon? "Constitution-Flouting"? Listen, Dr. LaSalle, this film is a parody of what stupid people believe, and if that offends your sense of ethics, maybe it’s time to look deep within.
It takes a special kind of prick to use a review about a UFO-comedy to write a scathing condemnation of a dude that no one likes, and who by that time had already been dead a few years. Hey, the next movie I’m going to review is "Run, Lola, Run!" And I’m using it as an opportunity to show that tyrant Augustus what for!
I found this delightful gem doing an image search: Fat-Cracker and Whitey (pictured) Charm their Way into our Hearts and Funnybones in this Spot-on Internet Parody of a Blockbuster Film!
Ugly-Sexy - The chick is pretty hot, actually, and a good actress. She single-handedly salvaged that heavy-handed swing-and-miss Dogma. But she’s not really in this one too much. I hate it when they use a pretty girl as a prop. Like, either write a decent character, or fore-go boobies in your movie. If I want to see boobs for no other reason than to see boobs, I have heaps of porn bookmarked. I watch a comedy to laugh not to masturbate.
Oh, and that knowing smirk? Don’t fucking do that please.
Anti-Establishment - Not only not anti-establishment, but it manages to piss off people who still have a bone to pick with Nixon, or at least it manages to piss off paranoid psychos like Mark LaSalle, who presumably lives in some unibomber shack in the woods still gritting his teeth that this movie would mock the horrible truths about Nixon shredding Area 51 documents that he’s || this close to uncovering.
This From a Site that Made me Scream "What the Fuck Kind of Parents?" Ladies and Gentlemen, We’re Looking at the Next JonBenet Ramsey.
Rock and Roll - The music here is shit. As soon as you see the credits coming press stop. I already spend the entire latter half of the nineties listening to that retarded song.
Rotten Tomatoes Pull-Quote - I enjoyeth this film as one enjoys watching a small child complete a crossword puzzle! Amusing only in its primitive barbarism! Jolly good! Well I never!
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