Hundred Best Movies In History

Domingo, 25 Fevereiro 2007

Star Trek VI - 91st Best Movie

Director Nicholas Meyer Cast Guess Part of my 100 Best Movies in History Series.

There's a lot of reasons to hate Star Trek. It's probably the most annoying fucking nerd-fad in movie history, save the Matrix Philosophy 101 teen angstheists. But, you know, I grew up on it as a kid, and I have a lot of fond memories (of watching TV). And I can say, without a doubt, that this movie is the best of the lot. I'm gonna try to do the impossible here and try to convince you, the Star Trek hater, why you should see the movies.

1) Star Trek fans are annoying asshole freaks.

This is totally true, by the way, but in the age of internet anonymous, you can easily watch this movie without being seen with the DVD case, or giving off any indication to anyone that you've ever watched this movie at all.

Aside from that, Star Trek has sucked for a good ten years now, even by it's own standards. You might have a lot of dark memories of fat people in tight, tight latex giving lectures about fraternal love, but even the most hardcore fans have pretty much given up on it.

The real low point in Star Trek Fandom was the Nitpicker's Guides. These were book where actual fans of Star Trek would bitch about their continuity errors in their favourite show/life purpose.

Anyone who bought these books needs a serious fucking beating with a twenty fool poll. If you're going to dedicate your life to a low budget TV series, at least have the niceness to its creators not to fucking bitch them out over every small mistake you think they've made.

If Trekkies should be angry at the creators for anything, it's the fact that they've wasted their entire fucking lives on the franchise, and they, the creators, still couldn't come up with any alien makeup more creative than pointy ears and melty face.

2) Gene Rodenberry is a hippy retard.

The shows and the movies were really fucked up by the fact that Gene Rodenberry (who didn't actually write much of it) made every episode fit to some narrow, insane guideline that conformed to his Grateful Dead worldview. Fortunately, by the time this movie was made, the producers and writers had told Rodenberry to fuck off, and he died a lonely, disappointed man. Thank god, that talentless hack.

This movie is actually amazingly smart for Star Trek, and said a lot of interesting things about the cold war. Most of all, it's not excessively preachy (omfg don't be racist!!!). Released in 1991, it's about the fall of the Soviet Union, which is pretty good fucking timing. The movie looks at how both Americans and Russians were faced with having to deal with a world where they had to live without an invisible, mysterious enemy they could constantly blame for all their problems. Sadly, the movie fails to predict that both sides would just find new foreign scapegoats in the Middle East and Chechnia. Oh well.

3) The Shitty Acting

It's as bad as ever, but it works. For Shatner especially. Here, instead of playing a young cool suave guy who screams and stutters a lot, he's playing a biggoted old military man who has to scream and stutter a lot. Having to sign a peace treaty with the people he hates most in the world, and who he has spent his entire life killing, actually makes his overreactions seem not bizarre. Him being a depressingly old man also helps him seem a bit more natural, because old people scream a lot, and talk funny.

All in all, if you're gonna watch a Star Trek movie, it should be this one. This might not convince you, but at least try to go in it with an open mind.

Escrito por Caio em 05:14:25 | Link permanente | Comments (0) |

Quarta-feira, 21 Fevereiro 2007

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou - 92nd Best Movie

Director Wes Anderson Cast Billy Murray, Seu Jorge, Angelica Huston Part of my 100 Best Movies in History Series.

Ok, I'm taking a big risk on this one, and I'll probably lose a lot of people here, but fuck it. I like this movie. I like it a lot.

See, the problem here is that this one came with a lot of pre-conceived notions and baggage. A whole lot of people thought that this was going to be just another Wes Anderson film. Even though I'm a fan of his, I'll admit this: He's a stupid snob and he makes movies about rich people, the most boring topic on earth. That is fucking annoying as hell, but, in my opinion, his movies are still good in spite of that. Except Rushmore. Rushmore was the crappiest movie I've ever seen.

On the other hand, a lot of Wes Anderson fans thought this thing was a total sell-out. They watched Rushmore and Tenebaums and were hoping their pet genius would follow his same, annoying formula. When their pet genius tried something different, they fucking freaked. I don't understand that insane mentality, but I'm glad Wes didn't collapse under the weight of his idiot fans like Scorsese did, and just start pumping out generica.

I'll admit this, too: The first time I saw this movie, I thought it was boring as hell. The second time I watched it, though, my eyes were glued to the screen. It's kind of a weird movie, and it really takes getting used to. But what I'm saying is that if you didn't like it the first time, give it another chance. There's a lot here, and it's pretty fucking rewarding once you get into it.

Aside from that, Bull Murray is a fucking god. Save, maybe, Garfield, even his shittiest movies are still worth watching, because he's the fucking master. Even if you really hate this movie, you've gotta admit that Murray is convincing and funny as hell. I heard the next Wes Anderson film wont have Murray in it, so that'll be the test: Does Anderson actually have talent, or is Murray just pulling him through?

One last thing: Like I've been hinting, you can't go into this movie with any pre-conceived notions. About Wes Anderson, or about movies in general. This is an adventure movie at heart. But there's comedy, and there's great, interesting characters and drama. A lot of people like one kind of genre or the other, so I think the way this movie mixes it up is the reason it's gotten such mixed reviews.

Escrito por Caio em 00:33:25 | Link permanente | Comments (0) |

Sábado, 17 Fevereiro 2007

Die Hard - 93rd Best Movie

Director John McTiernan Cast Bruce Willis, Evil Guy, Bonnie Bedelia Part of my 100 Best Movies in History Series.

It's pretty hard to appreciate what a great movie this is, considering the whole thing is just a blur of perms and shoulder pads.

Bruce Willis and that Evil Guy get a lot of the credit for this movie, but the real star was this dude. He's pretty kickass so it's fucking tragic that all his talent playing the sideman to Steve Urkle. All and all, Die Hard is a flawed classic, and possibly cursed.

Escrito por Caio em 18:01:20 | Link permanente | Comments (0) |

Sábado, 03 Fevereiro 2007

A Simple Plan - 94th Best Movie

A Simple Plan (1998)

Director Sam Raimi Cast Bill Paxton, Bridget Fonda, Billy Bob Thornton Part of my 100 Best Movies in History Series.

There's not much I can say about this movie, because it's a bit slow. But, you know, it works. It's fucking awesome in fact. I like movies about greed driving people into insanity, because movie insanity is a lot funner to watch than depressing, boring real insanity, and I'm also greedy. But, I'm not rich, and I don't have means, so I can act real superior to fictional people who get into situations involving money. Situations I'll never experience and damn does the smug feel good. I'm pretty fucking ethical now that I think about it.

A lot of people go batshit insane over Sam Raimi, and I'll admit he has talent, even though this is his best movie. He's going down a dangerous path though: Spiderman was alright for a movie I've never seen, and it probably made him some much needed cash, which he deserves. Spiderman 2, I actually liked. But Spiderman fucking three? You don't do a third fucking sequel when you've got that kind of talent. You leave it to some dumbfuck kid and move onto bigger and better things.

As usual, some internet Americans have managed to find a way to ruin this film for me too. Why? They complain that it's a Fargo rip-off. Not because it's anything like Fargo, but because it has snow. Fucking snow. I find it hilarious that some of you Americans are trying to think of reasons that you should pollute your shithole country more, because it's obvious that something is in the water making your children all retarded.

Yeah, that's something to fucking bitch about. Seeing snow in a fucking movie. How fucking horrible that must be for you.

You see this, you ignorant fuckers? Does this look like a gimmick to you? This is what I wake up to every day six months of the year. And you're saying that they're only allowed to make one movie with snow because you've never been outside of your Gated Community in Southern California? Shovel a fucking sidewalk every day, and tell me I'm not allowed to look at snow on film, you cunts. Go fuck yourself.

Ugly Sexy - Meh. At least it's not Jane Fonda.

Anti-Establishment - At one point you think that, but they trick you. I appreciate that.

Rock and Roll - "Spirit in the Sky". I dunno, it's a good song, but it's been in a million fucking movies. Pretty much any movie about small towns. There's a joke there somewhere but it's beyond me. Anyway I heard the dude who sang that lost all his money and ended up in a shelter, which is kind of sad and ironic so I won't say anything bad about him.

Escrito por Caio em 15:32:39 | Link permanente | Comments (0) |

Quinta-feira, 01 Fevereiro 2007

Jurassic Park - 95th Best Movie

Director: Steven Spielberg Starring: Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum Part of my 100 Best Movies in History Series.

He sounded South African to me, so I can’t tell if the Robert Muldoon was a razor-sharp commentary on Apartheid or on the late politician Robert Muldoon, or as us internet pundits call him "The Kiwi Thatcher".

I’m not too good for Spielberg films. In fact, I like a lot of Spielberg movies. Except when he’s being a fucking cunt. What I’m talking about is when he said that ‘Life is Beautiful’ was laughing at the Holocaust, while claiming in the same breath that he hadn’t seen it and would never see it.

First off: Criticizing a movie you’ve never fucking seen?

Second off: ‘Life is Beautiful’ was easily the most heart-breaking holocaust/WWII movie of all time. ‘Schindler’s List’ and ‘Saving Private Ryan’, on the other hand, were nothing but fake, canned emotion. Those two films are fucking blatant exploitation: Spielberg profited more off the Holocaust than Hitler ever did.

Schindler’s List was especially bad for fake Hollywood emotion. It was like watching a fucking Very Special Episode of Full House.

But Jurassic Park is Spielberg doing what he does best: Making mindless blockbusters, and damn is this this a classic. It’s also proof that CGI doesn’t have to suck ass. I don’t know what happened to the industry, that when CGI came out, they threw their arms up in the air and said, "The Age of Professionalism is Over! We’ll never have to do good special effects again!"

Jurassic Park uses heavy CGI and it looks ten times less phony than any CGI films that’s come in the last ten years. And this was fucking 1993, he was using some primitive technology. And check this shit out:

"I’m still amused by people who somehow think that when you use cyber-technology or digital technology in movies, suddenly it’s ‘fake’ — but when you look at a scene in here in Jabba’s palace, now there’s some digital characters in here, but they’re no more or less fake than all the other characters in here. I mean, is a digital character more fake than a big fat rubber character?" - GEORGE FUCKING LUCAS

Did I fucking hear that properly? Or have I gone fucking insane? I know movies aren’t reality, but there’s such a thing as putting out a professional fucking product. The Star Wars prequels looked like an F- film school project. And it’s not because of CGI itself, it’s because of your lack of talent as a film maker.

George Lucas is a fucking hack. Everything good about Star Wars was either someone else’s idea, or ripped off from a Japanese film. And that fuckhead has so much sway in the industry that he can not only prevent Japanese films from having mainstream releases in the West (presumably so he can steal from them some more), but he has actually ruined special effects forever. Fuck you, Lucas.

In conclusion, Jurassic Park is a very good movie. Five stars.

Ugly Sexy - Laura Dern is a good actress, but she’s not that hot, and ‘I Am Sam’?! I can’t believe I actually watched that shit, you cunt. That was almost as fake as a Spielberg WWII movie.

Anti-Establishment - There’s some shit about scientists, and man playing God, but you can fast-forward through those parks. Akira did it better.

Never try and step up to Akira, motherfucking amature!

Rock and Roll - Just some mainly quiet film-score music here. Spielberg doesn’t actually like listening to music, he prefers the sound of his own smug self-satisfaction.

Escrito por Caio em 07:15:41 | Link permanente | Comments (0) |

Quarta-feira, 31 Janeiro 2007

Men in Black - 96th Best Movie

Director: Barry Sonnenfeld Starring: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Rip Torn, Girl Part of my 100 Best Movies in History Series.

Men in Black star Rip Torn is Best Known for his Role on ‘The Larry Sanders Show’. A comedy about the industry?! It’s like I’m laughing with the stars!

There’s nothing more I love watching than Rich Actors bitch about their jobs! It must be so difficult reading lines on camera, and then making millions of dollars!

Some of you might have a bias against Men In Black, and I don’t blame you. I remember for a few years there, you couldn’t go a fucking minute without hearing those stupid fucking Will Smith songs. Especially ‘Gettin’ Jiggy With It’. Why the fuck do they play songs so much like that? Even if it’s a good song, do you think I’m going to go out and buy the CD when I hear that song everywhere I go, or every time I turn on the radio? Do I need to hear "Jiggy" in my sleep as well? That’s a rhetorical question, because when you play the same retarded song that often, I start to hear it in my fucking nightmares.

This is a hilarious comedy (or ‘an hilarious comedy’ as we film critics say), with lots of cools special effects and so on, but the thing that really makes this film a classic is all the retarded closplayers you get when you do an image search. Even better than the cosplayers is the fucks who cleverly spoof this movie by wearing a suit, or black clothing.

A-hahaha! They’re priests! They’re Men in Black! A-haha! Good one Guys!

Avoid the sequel if possible. It has it’s moments, but for the most part it’s a turd. Speaking of Sonnenfeld sequels, avoid, at every fucking cost, that piece of shit ‘Adams Family Values’. Come to think of it, Sonnenfeld is lucky to have make two or three good movies considering he’s not much more than a Tim Burton-wannabe. I like a lot of Burton films, but you could easily pick a less gothy idol. Suicide time-bomb isn’t something to aspire to, man.

Most of the Rotten Tomatoes critics admit they like this, with reservation (’It’s good, for Hollywood, that is, if Hollywood could even be called good. I mean, not a single person came out of the closet, and it seemed to almost glorify females, instead of geniusly suggesting they should all be killed! But I mean it was alright, in an unintellectual sort of way’).

However, one reviewer, Mick LaSalle, or as he’ll be known to posterity, "Einstein TIMES INFINITY", was brave enough to defy even his Mensa group and pan this movie:

‘At times, it may succeed at manipulating you, but you won’t like it."

HOLY SHIT! God forbid someone trick me into being entertained! Once I thought I enjoyed myself watching a movie, and it turns out it was all a clever ruse! I felt like I’d been raped!

And do you know what the point of reading a review is, fuckhead? It’s to hear your opinion, not what you think mine will be. I already know my fucking opinion, asshole. For example: In my opinion, the Chronicle should throw your ass on the street.

But seriously, thank you for telling me what I think, White Jesus.

"Men in Black'’ is summer fluff that admits to being summer fluff, but it’s no better off for admitting it… Sonnenfeld uses odd angles and wide lenses to view the action with a sardonic eye, as if the onscreen events were a joke between director and audience. But if “Men in Black'’ is a joke, who’s the joke on?"

I think he just tried to out-wink you, Men-in-Black. What a wonderful Yin and Yang: Sometimes a great success is just as entertaining as a spectacular fail. Let me try to be a critic, "Who’s the joke on? Why, the consumer who just payed fifty cents for this newspaper! Haha, good show!"

Finally we figure out what our fine Mr. LaSalle didn’t like about the film:

"After the laughs comes the uneasiness. The men in black make the shenanigans in the Nixon White House look naive, a pair of Constitution-flouting functionaries as heroes. At one point, K explains to young Agent J that the public must be protected from itself, that people do not need to know the truth."

What the fuck?!?!? This is the funniest fucking thing I’ve read in my life. Nixon? "Constitution-Flouting"? Listen, Dr. LaSalle, this film is a parody of what stupid people believe, and if that offends your sense of ethics, maybe it’s time to look deep within.

It takes a special kind of prick to use a review about a UFO-comedy to write a scathing condemnation of a dude that no one likes, and who by that time had already been dead a few years. Hey, the next movie I’m going to review is "Run, Lola, Run!" And I’m using it as an opportunity to show that tyrant Augustus what for!

I found this delightful gem doing an image search: Fat-Cracker and Whitey (pictured) Charm their Way into our Hearts and Funnybones in this Spot-on Internet Parody of a Blockbuster Film!

Ugly-Sexy - The chick is pretty hot, actually, and a good actress. She single-handedly salvaged that heavy-handed swing-and-miss Dogma. But she’s not really in this one too much. I hate it when they use a pretty girl as a prop. Like, either write a decent character, or fore-go boobies in your movie. If I want to see boobs for no other reason than to see boobs, I have heaps of porn bookmarked. I watch a comedy to laugh not to masturbate.

Oh, and that knowing smirk? Don’t fucking do that please.

Anti-Establishment - Not only not anti-establishment, but it manages to piss off people who still have a bone to pick with Nixon, or at least it manages to piss off paranoid psychos like Mark LaSalle, who presumably lives in some unibomber shack in the woods still gritting his teeth that this movie would mock the horrible truths about Nixon shredding Area 51 documents that he’s || this close to uncovering.

This From a Site that Made me Scream "What the Fuck Kind of Parents?" Ladies and Gentlemen, We’re Looking at the Next JonBenet Ramsey.

Rock and Roll - The music here is shit. As soon as you see the credits coming press stop. I already spend the entire latter half of the nineties listening to that retarded song.

Rotten Tomatoes Pull-Quote - I enjoyeth this film as one enjoys watching a small child complete a crossword puzzle! Amusing only in its primitive barbarism! Jolly good! Well I never!

Escrito por Caio em 12:13:45 | Link permanente | Comments (0) |

Hundred Best Movies - Supplementary Feature

When I was using Google Image Search to find some Pulp Fiction pics to steal for the last article, I saw a dark underbelly of the Internet I never want to see again.

The first site I tried was some kind of insane fan fiction site, or possibly some kind of proposed sequel. I was going to link it, but I was sort of embarrassed for the author’s sake and thought he would be best off left alone, in his tiny, but no doubt more comfortable, isolated world, safe from the pity and scorn his site begs for.

Then I find this movie review site where they claimed Pulp Fiction was "The American Graffiti of Crime Movies". Fucking what? American Graffiti? American fucking Graffiti? If I had never seen Pulp Fiction before, and I read that review, I would never touch any Tarantino flick fucking ever.

And then, to intensify the madness, I get linked to this motherfucking German site with fifty fucking Java applets on it. My CPU went fucking insane for fifteen minutes - so insane that I couldn’t turn off or reboot it. Once I finally got the computer working again and restarted, my Firefox was broken, so I had to fucking reinstall it thanks to that fucking Kraut, and I lost all my RRSes.

Well, my first reaction was to loudly scream that the Krauts never suffered for the Holocaust and that we should start killing all their women and children indiscriminately. I calmed down a bit, though, and I take back my genocide-revenge threats, but I will say this: I will give Firefox or Google literally two months salary to make it so it blocks system-destroying pages, or to assassinate the guy who invented Java who is once again leading the very impressionable German race down yet another dark and dangerous path.

In conclusion, having had a chance to observe some of Pulp Fiction’s fans, I’m strongly considering taking it off my ‘best of’ list.

Escrito por Caio em 12:03:13 | Link permanente | Comments (0) |

Pulp Fiction - 97th Best Movie

Director: Quitin Tarantino Starring: Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, Faceless-Suicide-Cult Shithead Part of my 100 Best Movies in History Series.

I don’t think I need to say much about the movie itself. I’m sure you could google "pulp fiction" and find all kinds of motherfucking crazy essays about how this movie is a deep and elaborate metaphor for life or something. Who fucking reads those anyway? I’m not gonna say this wasn’t one of the best movies of all times, but it was a flawed classic.

Ugly Sexy - This movie is what the ‘ugly-sexy’ category was created for. Uma Therman is pretty hot, but Jesus Christ Quintin managed to make her annoying. Here’s the problem when a video-store clerk virgin makes movies: Girls with "Free Spirits". You know, the kind of girl who goes to off-beat restaurants, and has a craaaazy haircut, and uses obscure, outdated slang and other words people never fucking use?

When I was fourteen, I thought a certain kind of girl was hot. The kind of girl who wore wacky clothing and said random shit and went to quirky hang-outs. Their eccentricity was attractive: they were "free spirits" and boy did I want their pussy to take me to magical lands of non-conformity.

Of course, I grew up a bit and started dating some of those free spirit girls. It turns out that all the random shit they say is just to cover up how boring they are on the inside, and the wacky clothes and quirky restaurants reflect some fucked up low self-esteem issues. On top of that they’re unpredictably bitchy. I’m sure it makes them think they’re edgy when they scream at you about how you’re too hypnotized by society or whatever, but they really just come across as cunts.

Look at that fucking hair. What the shit? I believe at this point in the film she was saying "What’s the diddly-o, Daddy-o?" or something retarded.

And that’s the girls on this film - especially Uma’s character. A fourteen year old virgin’s wet dream and an older guy’s disturbing nightmare.

See, when Quitin was making this movie, he still hadn’t become massively famous yet, so he hadn’t gotten layed and still thought that bullshit was hot. Thank God bitches have been ganking him for his dollars between the success of this movie and the making of Kill Bill, because he finally figured out how to make a sexy girl hot. Which shouldn’t be a fucking challenge if you think about it.

Anyhow, this movie’s sexiness is mainly targeted at the ladies, not the fellas. Hell, half the movie is shirtless guys with reassuring smiles. I’m not into that, but I can enjoy this softcore porn for the art behind it - never before has man-flesh been whored in such a creative way. I mean, I’m not really into guys, but the ladies need eye-candy too, and I’m sophisticated enough enjoy this film platonically.

Anti-establishment Angst - I didn’t pick anything up, but I’d do a google if I were you. This fucking action-comedy has been so fucking over-analysed that I’m sure someone out there has explained in detail that it’s a metaphor for, I dunno, Ronald Reagan or some shit.

Rock and Roll - The music on this is fucking awesome. So awesome indeed that they decided not to include a lot of it on the soundtrack. Thanks a fucking lot. You’ve sure convinced me not to file-share!!!

Escrito por Caio em 12:01:56 | Link permanente | Comments (0) |

98th Best Movie - Smoke Signals

Director: Chris Eyre Starring: Adam Beach, Evan Adams, Irene Bedard Part of my 100 Best Movies in History Series.

This was my original review:

—–

I’m not sure if I’m allowed to joke about natives, because in my part of Canada we’re still fucking them over pretty bad and I don’t wanna sound like a dumbshit redneck. Aside from that, I get the feeling that this movie was saying something important about contemporary life as a native, and I’ve never lived on a rez or anything, so I might sound a bit foolish. So I’m going to just say that this is a really good movie that you should see, and address another related issue.

I saw this movie while I was living in San Fransisco, at this little indy theatre. It wasn’t in a gay part of town, and so I didn’t realize till it was too late that this was a very gay theatre that was playing a non-gay movie (I found out later that they mainly play gay romantic comedies). How did I realize this at the time? Because I was drinking a lot of pop, I go to take a piss, and instead of urinals in the men’s room, they had two lidless toilets that were literally touching. Fucking touching, which means that if you yourself are taking a pee, you have to rub up against the dude next to you. Motherfucker.

Hey, that’s fine if you only play gay pornos and you want gay people to have gay sex in your theatre, but this movie wasn’t about gayness at all, goddamnit.

I respect the gay community, and I want us all to live together in marriage and peace, but maybe you’d get more friends amongst the straights if you didn’t make them pee while touching you in your movie theatres. You know, some people have trouble peeing when there’s someone else around - I’m not saying me, but some people - so that’s like x10 when you have to pee while touching someone.

—

But then I look this movie up on Rotten Tomatoes and what do I fucking see?

"A resolutely so-so movie puffed beyond all recognition by non-First Nation critics looking to expiate their dimly-felt sense of historic debt."

What a dumb whitey cunt. I get APTN and I’ve seen a lot of crappy stupid movies and shows from the First Nations, but this wasn’t one of those. This movie was fucking hardcore. That fuckhead probably thought of that pull-quote before he even fucking saw the movie.

But I figured, "Maybe this dude isn’t a dumb cunt, and he was just having a bad day." So I decided to do a little research:

This ugly cracker, Martin Scribbs (not pictured for your sake), calls himself The Low IQ Canadian. That name already leads me down two dark and depressing paths of ’shiteater’. This guy is either some middle-class dude trying to transparently and pathetically sell himself as working-class, or he’s so ironic he’s actually evolved into a new type of human being that we mere average-intelligence mortals couldn’t possibly hope to understand. The pull-quote lead me to believe it was the former, but as soon as I saw the first ten-page Matrix essay I knew he was the infinitely-worse latter.

Seriously, one of this asshole’s top movies of all time was ‘Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind’. After watching that shit I began to realize that all there is to making a critically acclaimed masterpiece is to use wacky camera techniques, poetry quotes and make sure none of my shots last longer than an eighth of a second.

This pale fucking bleach jug even calls himself a fucking poet, and in addition to movie reviews, writes lengthy essays like "Fifteen Critical Styles — And Three Hypothetical Approaches" and "Capitalist Culture and Its Discontents". This is the kind of upper-middle-class snobby shithead that makes me literally want to kill every fucking white person I see. I wrote a little poem for you, Martin "Genius" Scribbs. It’s "free-form" poetry as you intellectuals say:

whitey cunt

can’t shut his mouth

shiv the fucking cracker

See. I didn’t capitalize it, which is symbolic for my generation’s disdain for capitalism. Can I join your superior brainy culture now?

In other news, the chick in smoke signals is a fucking hottie: